Life is always a pit, climb out and fall back in. I have warned myself more than once not to set any goals for myself, and to have fewer extravagant demands on life, so that there will be less disappointment. But life never goes according to people’s wishes. Just like those dreams when I was young, I always felt that I was forever young and tireless, until one day, I suddenly realized that I was old. I am too old to expect anything anymore, and I am too old to believe that I can have the kind of enthusiasm that only belongs to young people.
I have been in this city for many years. The streets are still the same, and the street lights are still on. Whenever night falls, the brightly lit streets become the only thing I can rely on. In fact, sometimes, I don’t particularly enjoy this brightly lit hustle and bustle, but in those quiet late nights, I can find some peace. Under the lights, I am like a passerby, looking ahead with empty eyes, as if waiting for something, but it seems that I am not waiting for anything. For me, dinner, overtime, the way home, almost every moment is the same.
But I know that life is more than that. Or rather, it is much more than that. Everyone has a monologue about themselves, and I am no exception, but I speak too little. Many times, I prefer silence, and I feel that many words are meaningless. No one will really understand you, and others will only judge who you are based on their own perception of you.
I often wonder, if I no longer seek understanding from others, what will I become? Maybe I will be more lonely, or maybe I will be freer, who knows?
However, to be honest, freedom is not as good as imagined. It does not have the warmth of friends, nor the sweetness of lovers. Instead, it gives me more time to dance with loneliness. For me, loneliness is not a bad state, it is more of a choice. Life is always troubled by various factors, pressure at work, disputes in the family, and the little thoughts of friends. Each one pulls you tighter and tighter until you can’t even find the space to take a deep breath.
At this time, you will suddenly understand that loneliness is actually an inevitable fate. You no longer seek recognition from the outside world, and you begin to get used to talking to yourself. Those love and friendships that you longed for when you were young, in the end, became the most unattainable luxury. I have had several relationships, each of which was somewhat magnificent, but in the end, none of them made it to the end. Sometimes, I wonder, is it because we don’t really understand that the most important thing in a relationship is not the tolerance and tolerance of the other party, but whether we can be tolerant enough to accept the shortcomings of the other party?
Perhaps, we are all too demanding of perfection. Every relationship is like looking for the “other half” of that life, as if everyone has a preset role to play. In fact, the truth is that there is no perfect love in this world, only the perfect self, and knowing tolerance, understanding, and acceptance is the most lasting guarantee of a relationship.
Sometimes I think that if I were not so stubborn and stubborn, maybe my current life would not be so confused and tired. I always fantasize that I can get an ideal love, a friend who can talk about everything, and a peace that I have never had somewhere. However, all this is like a dream. Slowly, I learned to draw strength from failure and no longer over-desire things that do not belong to me. Living in the present is my most sincere understanding of life.
If I were to describe my life in one word, it would be “living”. I just live like this, day after day, year after year, and there seems to be nothing to be proud of, and there is no drama of ups and downs. It’s just that you gradually understand what to cherish and what to let go in your constant attempts.
I did not pursue perfect love, nor did I demand success in my career. I just thought about how to live a better life, at least to wake up with a relaxed mood every day, not sad for yesterday’s pain, and not afraid of tomorrow’s unknown.
And all this finally ushered in some subtle changes on an accidental night. That day, it was drizzling outside the window. I walked on the street with some worries, and my thoughts were as messy as leaves blown away by the wind. Suddenly, a voice came from the side. The voice was crisp and warm, as if it floated from a long-lost memory. I turned my head and saw a person standing in the rain, smiling at me.
I suddenly realized that no matter what the future holds, at this moment, while I am reconciling with the past, I am also slowly accepting reality. This peaceful state of mind cannot be cultivated in a day or two. It comes from every day when I no longer expect or demand anything, and from the courage to stand up from failure every time.
The most important thing for us to live in this world is not to pursue anything, but to learn to let go and give ourselves enough space to embrace the impermanence of life. This world is never perfect, but we can still find our place in ordinary days. As long as we don’t give up on ourselves, nothing in this world can really defeat us.
I have taken many detours over the years, stumbled, and lost a lot of things, but I have also gained a lot. In this city, I finally found a quiet corner, let go of my former obsessions, learned tolerance, learned to let go, and learned to reconcile with the world.
“If life slaps you in the face, fight back with the other hand.” I always say to myself.
So, I decided to keep going, with a sense of calmness and calmness, towards the next tomorrow.